How can the creators of Fantastic Four 2 screw up one of the most iconic characters in Marvel comics history? This is Galactus as giant storm cloud.
GALACTUS IS AN ANGRY STORMCLOUD? If this is true, I’m speechless. How can the creators of Fantastic Four 2 screw up one of the most iconic characters in Marvel comics history? (Really, that’s a silly question, given The X-Men). I mean, if Galactus were a potted plant or maybe a toilet seat, at least we’d get a laugh out of it.
I love how non-comic book fans are like, Well, do you really want a giant purple man wearing a goofy helmet and a skirt instead of a LAME CLOUD of INCLEMENT WEATHER? This is like asking: I mean come on, we could replace Batman with some guy wearing kevlar and a hat; afterall, it’s cheaper and more believable. FUCK YOU! GIVE US OUR GIANT, PURPLE, WORLD-EATING SPACE MAN!
I anticipate arguments that reason along these lines: Forget you fanboys, we’re trying to sell a movie to the potato-brained masses! We don’t even care what Galactus is “supposed” to look like! I’m not arguing about whether these monkeys in business suits know how to peddle their filth to the average American Neanderthal—this is about making good movies. You don’t determine what a good movie is by looking at how much it sold at the box office. So be my guest, sell this stupidity-parade-masquerading-around-as-a-movie to every sucker who will dole out $9 to be raped audio-visually! How well you fleece your dimwitted audience has nothing to do with whether or not the CG garbage your box office vomits out is good cinematic material.
Our only thanks is that this movie will be forgotten like every other inanity shat out by Tom Rothman.
For your amusement, here are a collection of my favorite comments left by commenters at AintItCool.com:
- “So… a cloud that eats planets. If we can handle a guy who stretches, a chick who turns invisible, a guy made of orange rock, a guy whose ability to burst into flames allows him to fly and a T-1000 on F—— SURFBOARD, I think we can handle a fucking giant!”
- “Even I, with my VERY limited knowledge of FF, knows that the very concept of Galacticus is not best served with a bit of inclement space weather! You know what this sounds like? Rothman was watching The Neverending Story in a moment of madness where he thought watching a good movie instead shitting out bad ones might be a good idea. Saw the Nothing and thought: wow having Galacticus [not only] look like but sound like Fishbourne will really be something special…”
- “I heard Galactus was going to be a ’54 Buick, but Rothman decided to make him a ’76 Ford Pinto. When asked about his reasoning, Rothman replied, straight-faced: “Ford Pinto is the perfect manifestation of Galactus. It was known back in the day as ‘the barbecue that seats four.'” And his enemy is the Fantastic Four, so it makes perfect sense. Why are you looking at me like that?”
- “We need a filmmaker to prove that the original material sucks. I know! Let’s do a film about a comic book character that shares only it’s name and let’s create a whole new movie that will suck ass! Call Halle Berry and that Pitof asshole and you got another winner!”
- “Okay. The end of this film is supposed to be his arrival, but not his appearance. So maybe the big freakin storm cloud is the intergalactic version of his Escalade? See? It makes sense. IT MAKES TOTAL F—— SENSE!”
- “If Uwe Boll directed this, Galactus would be Samuel Jackson, cause we all know Sammy loves purple. Only, he wouldnt be purple, he would be dressed in black and Uwe would call him Balactus. And Pam Grier would be the Silver Spoon and the earth would be a big bowl of corn flakes.”
- “OHHH MENACING!!! OOOOOOOOOH HOW SCARY!!! A [PLASMA] RAINBOW COLORED RAINCLOUD WITH [LIGHTNING] BARING DOWN ON EARTH!! SOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING SCARY! HAHAHAHAHAH. I bet it’ll look exactly the same as that f—— abomination energy rainbow in Star Trek: Generations.”
- “I can’t wait for the action figure.”
- “It all boils down to ONE SIMPLE THING. It doesn’t take much to “get it right.” It does take a lot of work to f— it up. You have to go out of your way to f— it up. Doing the right thing is easy, in fact most of the time we all do the right thing by not doing anything at all. It takes a lot of effort to do wrong, or bad. Just ask a convicted felon. Story needs to be chased into the woods by torchlight and pitchfork.”